


We Used To

by Korra_Sato



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mutual Pining, Past Drug Addiction, Substance Abuse, mentions of overdose, post College/University, rexi focus, will contain rules
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 16:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21166988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korra_Sato/pseuds/Korra_Sato
Summary: 4 years after she left East Highland to pursue her culinary studies in London, Rue comes back better than ever. Presented with a big opportunity for her culinary career, Rue takes advantage of it and accepts the job unbeknownst to her the challenge that comes along with it: working closely with Lexi Howard.orCup noodles, ice creams and bike rides at 2 in the morning with the ex.Inspired by the fic (on Wattpad), We Used To by Httpkpop





	We Used To

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Euphoriacs, just a disclaimer, this fic is hugely inspired by the fanfic on Wattpad called We Used To by Httpkpop, that fic is just *chef's kiss and tears* 10/10 would recommend. 
> 
> As you all can probably tell by the title, it's gonna be angsty and if you've read the original story, then you'll know exactly what I mean. This version, although heavily reliant on the original, will not be guaranteed the same path as the original story. But it's also not guaranteed that I won't end it the same way as the original ended so... In other words, nothing is guaranteed, I will just let the story create a path for itself and end it however I see fit. 
> 
> Last but not the least, I'm not a writer. I've written some fics before but that's not my area of expertise (which is reading). And I haven't proofread this or anything so I apologize for any mistakes or if it doesn't make sense I just really wanted a rexi version of this.

Birds chirping, engines humming, people yelling, these are some of the things that makes this city alive.

People from different backgrounds are gathered inside this big encapsulation that serves as an entrance to an entirely new world. 

People from different countries and continents, different ethnicities and genders pay to visit or to leave this city that some call home. 

It's a strange scenery for Rue. Seeing all the old but new faces, the forgotten remembered streets, the familiar and unfamiliar atmosphere in this city.

She's back.

Finally, after spending 4 years in London living and studying. 

She feels kind of nostalgic. There have been so many memories that Rue has painted in this city and at that particular town. 

So many beautiful and ugly memories of Rue's past that seemed to flow right in as she stepped further into the city.

Rue recalled the time she overdosed and spent a good portion of her post high school years in rehab. 

She recalled sharing her decision to move to London to pursue her studies in cooking over the phone with her mom. 

She recalled her mom’s initial wave of shock and disapproval and the eventual relent that she gave after thinking over it and realizing that Rue is taking this step to self discovery and that she has to trust that Rue will do it right for her own good this time.

She almost felt emotional about it. She held her tears in. It's lame to cry over stepping back into the city you technically, but also technically not, grew up in.

Rue snapped out of her trance when she heard the sound of a car horn as if it was calling her, followed by someone shouting her name from afar.

She turned around to see Gia and their mom leaning onto the same old car her mom used to drive all the time, with huge beaming smiles on their faces.

Rue beamed back at them as Gia ran to give her a bone crushing hug.

"Oh my God Rue I missed you so much!" Gia said fondly as she tightened her hold around her sister's neck.

Rue returned the hug as tight as her sister's hold, sharing the same excitement and enthusiasm.

"I missed you too. So much" Rue said quietly, enjoying the warmth of her sister's embrace.

Gia pulled away to inspect her big sister, "Wow, you've gotten really fit Rue!" The shorter brunette exclaimed as she scanned her sister up and down again.

She's not wrong. Rue really had gotten fit. She was what you would call tall and lanky in high school. 

People would worry she doesn't have enough meat in her skin to support her balance and so people were always on the lookout for her. 

Wondering when her body would give up and fall.

_ Except for her. She always loved Rue's tall and lanky stature. _

Rue had gotten a lot more muscular now than she was in high school. Her body has become more toned and bigger. She's even gotten a 4 pack abs. 

She looks a lot stronger. Healthier. Better.

_ Would she like the change? Would she be proud? _

Rue rolled her eyes at her sister anyway and nudged her to get to their waiting mom, "You've changed quite a bit yourself, love. I don't reckon a guy has fancied your eyes yet?" She said in a faux British accent as they made their way to their waiting mom who's wearing a soft endearing expression on her face.

"Shut up" Gia said with a chuckle, pushing Rue lightly to her side, "There's a lot you need to catch up on Rue" Gia said, more seriously with something unreadable to her tone that made Rue a little more curious than she'd like to admit.

A part of her knows what Gia is talking about. A bigger part of her is trying to suppress it.

She decided to drop the topic and hug her anticipating mom.

"I missed you so much baby." Leslie started as she stroked her palms up and down Rue's back just like how she used to when Rue was upset and needed her mom's hug. Like always.

"I missed you too mom" Rue croaked an answer. Call her emotional but having her mom physically here and hugging her after 4 years is a different kind of extreme feeling.

After that exchange, Rue, Leslie and Gia had all gotten in the car and rode back home to where it all started.

\--

"Shit, I forgot the tarpaulin!” 

“How the fuck do you forget the fucking tarpaulin?! That’s like, the most important part of this whole shit!”

“I knew we shouldn’t have put Fezco on tarpaulin control!”

“Fuck! They’re gonna be here any minute now! WTF are we gonna fucking do?!”

“Fucking skin Fez and use it as a makeshift tarpaulin.”

Rue’s friends scrambled to organize the room to perfection for her surprise welcome home party. 

Everybody had been preparing for this since they first heard the news of Rue coming back home to take on a job as a cook at the Blake's Kitchen, courtesy to Gia and her “loud mouth”.

Blake's Kitchen is a well renowned restaurant in LA and business is booming for the company. It's a great opportunity for experience and money for Rue. Not to mention she'll be close to her family.

_ She'll be closer to _ ** _her_ ** _ again. _

Leslie and Gia had “entrusted” the house to the 4 group of friends and reminded them to not set the house on fire while they are gone. 

The four promised they wouldn’t, reiterating to the two Bennetts that they are responsible adults who can be trusted. 

Leslie and Gia left tentatively and lowkey worried that there won’t be a house to come back to.

Regardless of this, the four had done a pretty decent job decorating the house. Well, they haven’t burned down anything so that’s pretty decent.

Party decorations are scattered all over the place, assorted colours of balloons and streamers stuck to the ceiling and walls that Maddy set up, a golden bonsai centerpiece on the table that illuminated the already lit place by Cassie, and confetti, party hats, party blowers designed by Kat are thrown carelessly onto the couch.

Fez was supposed to bring the tarpaulin they all designed to welcome Rue home. Cassie suggested they should just draw something in a banner like normal people but Fez insisted on going big or go home for Rue.

Not to mention the amount of food they all set up. There’s enough to feed a whole village. From the huge pizza that Fez himself baked to the endless supply of salad and salad dressings that Maddy bought. Kat even bought a chocolate fountain for this party alone. 

Cassie didn’t bring a lot of food though. She knows Rue too well and she knows what Rue would appreciate the most, even if the memory that it will illicit would be painful for her.

It isn’t a competition but if it were, Cassie is sure that she would win.

The drinks they all brought were non alcoholic. They wanted to stay sober for this important moment.

They may have gone overboard with the decorations and food but who cares? This is Rue and they haven’t seen her in 4 years. They deserve a big party.

“Okay, now’s not the time to panic and get aggressive.” Fez started, trying to calm everybody and prevent Maddy from skinning him alive. “I can just call Ashtray and he can deliver the tarpaulin quick. Simple” he finished with a laid back expression to contrast the panic in his friends’ faces.

A loud ding from a phone echoed in the room causing everybody to turn their attention towards the owner of the device.

Cassie pulled her phone out from her purse to check the message she’s received.

“Guys, we don’t have time. Gia just texted and said they’d be here in 5 minutes.” She said, panic evident in her tone.

To summarize the events that happened in the next 5 minutes, Kat tried to hold Maddy back from choking Fez and Cassie was a little too preoccupied with her phone to care about the potential murder that's about to happen right in front of her. 

Cassie was pacing back and forth, looking down on her phone, at a message she’s been hesitating to reply for a while now. 

She’s on a spiral and suddenly stopped in her trance to turn to her chaotic friends, “Guys, are you sure it’s the right choice to not tell her about this?” she started, worry evident in her tone.

“I feel like keeping this from her is a bad choice and we should’ve invited her. I mean, it’s been 4 years, I’m sure they’ve both matured enough for her to get over whatever the fuck happened that day and at least be here to greet Rue. I'm sure Rue would be disappointed if she doesn't see her here today, plus, she’s my sister, I can’t just lie to her-” the spiralling blonde was cut off by her raven haired best friend.

“Cass, you need to calm the fuck down.” Maddy started.

“Yeah, quit stressing about it. All of us have already decided this is the best for both of them especially now that-” Kat’s sentence was cut off by a knock on the door.

Surprised, all four of them stopped what they were doing and looked at each other with worried looks.

Kat, being the nearest one to the door, opened it to see a tall and a much more matured Ashtray in front of her, a rolled out tarpaulin tucked under his right arm.

“Hey,” he greeted lazily, “You left this.” He addressed to Fez as he handed the rolled out straw of paper to Kat.

“Shit, boy I knew you’d come thru! Thanks man” Fez said with a huge smile on his face as he ushered the lanky boy further into the room.

Another ding can be heard and Cassie didn’t have to look at it to know that it was Gia telling her they’re pulling up to their driveway.

“Guys, they’re here we have to get ready!” Cassie said and everybody took their positions, ready to surprise their friend.

\--

Leslie pulled in front of their old home, applied the parking brake and stopped the engine of her car. She turned to look at Rue beside her and placed her hand on her daughter’s thigh to squeeze it for comfort like she always does.

Rue turned to look at her mother, holding a sincere smile on her face to mask the fear and anxiety creeping its way to her system, “You ready to be back home sweetie?” the oldest Bennett asked.

That question brought so many layers of implicating questions to the table. 

Is she ready? Was it a good idea to come back? What if everything has changed too much? What if everything hasn’t changed at all?

The questions play in Rue’s head on loop like a broken record. 

It spirals her almost into a breathless anxiety if not for the gentle squeeze on her thigh and the hand on her shoulder from her mom and her sister.

Rue looked at the two women in front of her, her family. A sudden warm feeling coursed to her veins, _ ‘I’m home. To my family.’ _ she thinks.

Rue nodded and stepped out of the car first, immediately followed by her family as they each step to her side to hold her hand as she took a step back into her old home.

*pop*

"SURPRISE! WELCOME HOME RUE!!!"

The loud pop of the party poppers, which threw up countless amounts of confettis all over the room cascading ever so slowly to the floor, echoed throughout the room amidst all the loud cheers from the people in it.

Surprised was too much of an understatement to what the curly haired brunette is feeling right now. Amazed? Flabbergasted? Rue doesn't know how to put it into words and she honestly can't even care less, all she knows is that she's overwhelmingly happy.

She hadn't expected to receive this kind of welcome from her friends, let alone any welcome at all since she never told them she was coming back.

Don't get her wrong, she loved her friends and she knows they love her the same, it's just that she left East Highland in such a haste that she barely even said goodbye to them.

After that, communication with them have been minimal to none. She was afraid they'd be harbouring some grudge over it.

Which, in hindsight, is really stupid. Rue knows her friends are not the type to hold grudges. She shouldn't have been stupid about this but she figured her friends understood. 

They always did.

Rue's eyes started to water, she's so overwhelmed yet so happy to have her friends here with her. 

She placed both of her palms over her mouth in an attempt to calm herself down and look less of an emotional mess. 

"Bitch, if you literally start crying on us at your welcome home party, I'm gonna smack you across the face" Maddy quipped with the wide smile and dimples she wears on her face every time she's being mischievous, as she pulled Rue in for a hug.

Rue hugged her back tighter, eyes closed as she reeled in the sensation of getting to hug one of her great friends.

Maddy and Rue pull away for the taller brunette to hug her other friends.

"Bruh, never thought I'd see the day you grow buffer than me" Fez joked as he pulled away from Rue's hug.

"Puberty Fez" the curly haired brunette replied with a light punch to Fez's chest which earned her a chuckle.

"Or maybe it's the London girls working Rue out" Kat chimed in as she squeezed Rue tight and swayed her from side to side.

"And you're as dandy as ever Kat" the darker brunette said as they pulled away from each other.

Rue turned to see an anticipating Cassie and immediately reached out to hug her.

Cassie had become like Rue's second sister, an older sister she never had.

Words weren't spoken between the two. They didn't have to. The hug conveyed pretty much everything for them.

Rue pulled away from the hug and scanned her surroundings, hoping to see a figure she already knew she wouldn't find.

She figured from Cassie's apologetic eyes, that she tries but fail, to hide, that she won't be seeing _ her _ tonight.

She figured it'll be for the best.

A part of her is kinda glad she doesn't have to see her, at least not right now.

"So how about we get this party started?" 

A loud cheer erupted in the cozy space of the Bennett's living room and Rue couldn't ask for a better come back.

\--

The party has winded down. 

Rue and her friends are all huddled in Rue's cleaned out bedroom. 

It feels foreign to her seeing how clean and organized the room is. She's been living with all the filth in this room for so long that sitting on her freshly washed bed sheets felt like sitting on clouds. 

Light and unfamiliar.

It's nearing midnight, all five of them have decided to chill in Rue's room, koolaids in red solo cups. 

Rue is grateful that she has friends who would support her through her struggles and be with her through it all. 

She appreciates them a lot.

"So, how was London?" Maddy started, breaking the silence in the room.

"It was fine." The curly haired brunette stopped and pondered for a few seconds before continuing, "it was fun and liberating for sure." Rue paused for her next words, 

"I mean, at first it was stressful, finding your way around a different and unfamiliar city, let alone a country. There have been times where I would question my decision to go there but that's just part of life you know? You get lost but you either find your way back or you learn a new home." The brunette finished with a smile.

Everybody smiled at that, glad that Rue didn't feel at all trapped and lost in a new country. 

"Word" Fez said giving Rue a fist bump. 

"Real talk bruh, how long you been sober for?" The boy with the buzz cut asked, munching on cashews as he gave his best friend a sincere look.

Rue flashed him a sincere smile at her friend, knowing that he was only looking out for her, like he always did, the big brother she never had. 

Rue recalled the last time she overdosed, how Fez was only starting to transition away from selling drugs, how he, and everybody else found out that she bought drugs from Mouse and how infuriated, disappointed and sad he was when he visited Rue the day she opened her eyes again.

Those were the tough times but if Rue was given a choice, she wouldn't have changed anything if it meant Fez would completely break away from drugs altogether.

"I've been sober for more than 4 years now Fez" the brunette declared honestly, with a sincere and proud smile on her face.

"It honestly was so fucking hard, there were so many moments in my life where I felt like losing to it again. Every turn I made, I'd find something that would pull me back to drugs but if there's anything that I learned from this place, it's that I matter." Rue stated, focusing her attention to the drink that is right at her hands.

"I made a promise to be better. For myself, for my past and my future. And I'm learning to be. I think I'm in a really good place to move forward with it" she finished, finally looking up to meet the gazes of her friends observing her intently with deep love and adoration in their features.

They were proud of her.

_ She's sure _ ** _she_ ** _ would be proud too. _

Loud cheers erupted in the room, praising Rue for being sober for that long. 

This was the hardest battle Rue had fought. She's still fighting it, fighting her demons but she wouldn't let it eat her up. Not anymore.

_ She's learned that from _ ** _her_ ** _ . _

"That's what's up Rue!" Fez cheered, giving the brunette a playful shove and then raised his koolaid filled cup. 

"To Rue" Fez toasted, 

"To Rue!" Everybody in the room repeated as they also raised their cups and drank the fruity liquid from it.

"I'm gonna show you how good I am now guys. And you'll be amazed at what I can do in the kitchen!" Rue exclaimed.

"I just don't understand why you had to leave! You could've stayed and finished your doctorate in cooking in the city you know. I know someone who would've loved to see you in a chef's hat" Kat blurted out, not thinking and immediately shut her mouth when she realized what was happening.

Cassie shot the raven haired girl a look while Maddy almost drop kicked her from across the room if it wasn't for Fez holding her back.

The room is suddenly filled with silence. The tension is almost visible, as if there's a ball of gas seeping through the space of Rue's room and sucking out all the air in it.

Rue cleared her throat in an attempt to sort this tension out. It doesn't happen. Not right away at least.

This conversation is gonna have to happen sooner or later and she'd rather have it sooner rather than later so she sucks up the air and begins talking.

"How is she?" Rue asked, voice low and cracking. Her name hurts too much to say right now so she avoids it.

The question was vague but not vague enough to not know the implications of it. The whole room knows who the brunette was referring to, naming names might be a dangerous path to take.

As her older sister, Cassie takes it upon herself to answer that daunting question with blunt honesty. She figured if they were to ever move on, there had to be no secrets. 

But not too blunt, she doesn't want to scare Rue away on her first day back.

"She's doing great. She's a really great teacher now, she's loved by all the kids in school." Cassie informed, giving Rue a sincere smile.

"Really? That's great! I'm- I'm really happy for her" Rue said, eyes fixed on the television screen, with a gentle smile on her face, pretending this conversation doesn't affect her at all as her whole body relaxed and her demeanor changed from guarded to tender.

Lexi had always had this effect on Rue. She just calms her so much, brings her back to the ground and tethers her there. Even after all these years, even without mentioning her name. 

Of course they'll love her. She's the sweetest, kindest, most caring person in the world. They're crazy if they don't. Rue thought as she took a swig at her koolaid.

Taking a quick glance to her side, she found a coy Cassie staring her down with a sly smirk on her face and an expression that says she knows more than what Rue is telling them.

Whatever that meant, Rue decided not to dwell on it too much. It was probably just some weird sister instincts thing. Cassie had always treated her like a sister.

"Anyway, for the moment of truth question," Maddy started, sharing a look with Kat who nodded in anticipation and turned all her attention to Rue who looked at her almost afraid of the question to come. Fez and Cassie both shook their heads, seemingly knowing what the question will be already.

"Which is better in bed? London girls or LA girls?" Maddy asked, a huge cunning smile plastered on her face.

Fez, who is aromantic asexual rolled his eyes and groaned loudly while Cassie pretended to choke on her drink, Kat on the other hand, anticipated the answer. 

Maddy really is a bold one.

Rue rolled her eyes, not letting the tension build up any longer. 

"You know what, y'all are fucking insufferable, fuck off!" She said lightheartedly and threw a pillow at her friends and got up to escort her friends out.

"THANK GOD" Fez exclaimed, glad he was able to get out of that sexual talk.

When they were outside Rue's house, they all bid their goodbyes and went home.

Rue chuckled at their retreating forms and shook her head. "They haven't changed a bit."

_ "I'm finally home." _

\--

Cassie arrived home to spot her sister's entire body sprawled out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on her stomach.

She set her keys on the countertop of their entrance hall and rolled her eyes fondly at the mess that is her sister.

"You know it's not healthy to eat while laying down right?" The blonde said as she moved her sister's legs off the couch to make room for her to sit.

“You know it’s not healthy to keep secrets from your ONE AND ONLY loving sister right?” the girl with a chestnut hair accused as she sat up and narrowed her eyes at her sister.

“Where’ve you been?” the younger Howard asked as she stared her sister down suspiciously.

“Why are you looking at me like I’ve never gone out and come back at this hour before” Cassie responded, evasive and amusement clear on her tone.

“Yeah but, that only happens when you’re out with your boyfriend or you’re out partying with Maddy and Kat.” Lexi started as she took a handful of popcorn from the bowl and shoved it in her mouth before continuing,

“You’re single and sober as fuck. Are you seeing someone right now?” brown eyes bore into blue’s, eyes perked as she puts on her detective mode.

Cassie rolled her eyes and gave out an exasperated sigh before answering, “I’m not seeing anyone. I told you, I want to enjoy being single for once”

Lexi slowly nodded her head and pondered for a moment before continuing, unconvinced, “Are you sleeping with someone though?” which earned her a groan and a slap on her shoulder from her sister.

“Ugh no, and why do you want to know so bad?” She pulled a reverse on her sister who just shrugged and turned her attention back to the TV.

“Can’t a girl be a little concerned and curious about the whereabouts of her sister? What if you go missing? This is valuable intel.” Lexi replied nonchalantly tapping her head as if to show her sister how advanced her mind works.

Cassie, for the nth time tonight, rolled her eyes at her sister. _ This might go in an interesting route _, she thought before replying.

“Do you really wanna know where I went tonight?” She baited her sister. She knows that this has been an uncharted territory for her in a very long time and it’s probably too early to cross but she’s just itching to do it anyway. 

And besides, she’s gonna find out sooner or later, at least she learns this from her sister.

Lexi turned her attention away from the TV and to her sister, eagerly anticipating her next words. She nodded and said, “Yeah.”

Cassie heaved a deep sigh and turned away to look at the TV screen as if it’s the most interesting thing she’s ever seen before answering, “I was at the Bennett’s house” she said simply, with finality in her tone.

The chestnut haired girl was caught off guard to say the least. An overflow of emotions flooded into her system, she wanted to know what her sister was doing there, she wanted to berate her with different questions that she has a feeling she knows the answer to already.

Her heart felt like it could beat right out of her chest, anticipating the answer she already knows is coming.

“Rue's back, Lex" Cassie said, not beating around the bush anymore before she got up to head to bed, leaving a stunned Lexi frozen in her spot.

Lexi knew this time would come. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Rue comes back to her.

Lexi's mind is in a turmoil. But one thing's for certain, 

_ She's finally home _.

\--

Rue tossed around her bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. 

It's been over an hour since her friends left and her mom and Gia called it a night. 

She should really be fast asleep right now. She's too spent to be restless and awake.

She turned to her side, trying to finally get that shut eye. If this was 4 years back, she would've turned to drugs and alcohol and her problem will be momentarily solved. Except this time it's different, she doesn't have drugs nor does she have alcohol.

She tried to think back to what calmed her the most to sleep.

A lot of things came to mind but one thing, or one person, overshadowed the others. 

She used to be able to hold her in her sleep. The rhythm of her heart beating had always lulled her to sleep. The soft echoes of her breathe hitting the base of her neck had always sounded like a soft lullaby to her.

It's moments like this that Rue wished she could turn back time.

Maybe some fresh air would help.

And with that Rue got up off the bed in search of some cozy outfit to wear. She found the old maroon hoodie she used to wear a lot in high school. It was her father’s.

She put the hoodie on, which fits her a little better now, and started to move slowly but surely out of her room, avoiding the spots on the floor that she knows for sure would creak, making sure not to wake her family as she made her way out of the house.

She’s done this one too many times. Sneaking out to go to a party and get drunk and high or just chill by Fez’s convenience store to smoke some pot or snort a line.

Of course it’s a different time now, she’s not sneaking out to get drunk or high but it’s still all so nostalgic to her.

In hindsight, she probably should have texted her mom or Gia to assure them that she’s doing alright and she just went out to get some air but she knows how those two overreact sometimes.

She can’t blame them but she just really wanted to be alone and free tonight.

She took her bike out of the garage and started to bike away.

It's been awhile since the last time she's done this in general. Just biking around the neighborhood, letting the air kiss her skin and ripple through her free flowing hair.

It's relaxing. It fills her with incredible calmness and serenity. 

Rue biked around a few more minutes before she decided to stop by Fez's convenience store to grab something to eat.

She parked her bike behind the store before she made her way in.

Rue found a meek teenage boy, probably sophomore, looking tired and bored, too busy browsing on his phone to acknowledge Rue coming in.

In fact, she's not sure if the boy even noticed her coming in at all. She wondered how many shoplifters got away with his non existent sense of security. 

This kid might be jeopardizing Fez's business. She's gonna talk to Fez about this tomorrow for sure.

The brunette decided to roam around the stalls, looking for something to eat since biking around surprisingly got her appetite going despite eating so much that night. 

Maybe she needs a weight check but that's a problem for tomorrow, Rue thought.

She walked over to the isle with cup noodles and picked one from the shelf quickly. Scanning the unorganized items made her queasy and uncomfortable. 

She made her way to the counter and dropped the cup noodles in front of the boy who was taken aback but nodded and asked the generic, "is that everything?" Question before he proceeded to scan the item.

Rue nodded and paid the boy refusing to take change as she went over to the hot water machine to cook her noodles.

It might be a weird sight to see a chef brewing cup noodles at a local convenience store but nobody knows about her yet so it's alright, Rue thought.

She picked up a fork before heading out to eat her cup noodles at the curb just outside the store.

It's been awhile since she's done this. Back then, she would sit at this same spot at the same hour, cup noodles in hand while she's high as fuck or drunk or both.

It's unfamiliar to Rue doing the exact same thing except doing it completely sober. 

It feels weird. 

She sees things a lot differently now, there's definitely a lot more details in sight and less spinning and floating for sure. 

It makes her appreciate her surroundings more.

She likes it. It's nice. She thought as she took a fork full of noodles to her mouth.

She didn't notice the figure right beside her, wearing a hat bigger than her face with a sweater that's definitely bigger than her body and an ice cream that's close to melting on her hand until she noticed the figure shuffling a little.

The brunette thought it was odd for someone to be eating ice cream alone at 2 in the morning with their face almost entirely covered with their hat but she's literally sitting on the same curb, sipping on her noodle soup, so she really has no room to judge.

She smiled a little. It’s strange and maybe a little creepy but she finds the girl shuffling uncomfortably in her place adorable. 

She didn’t mean to stare or be rude but there’s something about this girl that just calmed Rue and made her comfortable to be around with, which is unusual because she’s usually the awkward one who easily gets uncomfortable around strangers. 

Maybe it’s the way her petite stature fumbled around in her place that eased Rue to not drive herself to the improbable conclusion that the girl right beside her could be a serial killer or a kidnapper. There was no way she’s any of those, and if she were, she doesn’t think she could take Rue as she’s more than a head shorter.

Rue realized she’s been staring too long at the girl for it to not be creepy. She reasoned to herself that it’s that peculiar hat that she’s wearing that makes her so interesting to observe. Still, it’s rude and creepy, she worried that the girl would think she’s a creep and call the cops on her so she breaks the silence first.

The brunette cleared her throat and started, “I uh, Can I- um, I hope you don’t mind me sitting here” Rue stumbled on her words, this stranger may emit a calm and comfortable energy but Rue is still her same awkward self and she can’t help being awkward to people.

The girl stiffened at the sound of her voice. She wasn’t moving anymore and Rue’s pretty sure her ice cream is melting on her hand.

_ Did I say something wrong? Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. _ Rue thought to herself, panicking that she may have made the situation more uncomfortable for the both of them.

The brunette quickly turned to avoid looking at the girl next to her. She thought that maybe pretending she’s not there would be the best for them. 

She shoved another large batch of noodles into her mouth, almost choking in the process.

The girl finally snapped out of her trance and moved to look up at the coughing brunette who’s pounding on her chest like a maniac, worried that she’ll choke and end up dying on her. 

She turned her whole body towards the taller girl in an effort to silently ask if she was fine as the girl seemed to have calmed from her coughing fit.

Rue sensed the movement and turned to the girl and awkwardly gave her a thumbs up like the dork that she is to indicate that she’s fine.

The taller brunette straightened her back after having flushed the noodles from her throat down to her stomach and turned to look at the girl who was still looking up at her.

Rue can’t see her face, her hair is tied to a bun covered in that ginormous hat and given the darkness of the night, it’s very hard to make out what she looked like but if Rue had to guess, she would say that the girl had a puzzled look on her face.

An image of a curly, chestnut colour haired girl, with a body so slender, skin as smooth as silk and eyes as bright as the sun, looking up at her with the slightest hint of amusement masked with a puzzled look popped into Rue’s head.

The brunette’s heart fluttered for a split second before she forced the image to disappear into the back of her mind. 

_ Honestly, who the fuck wears a huge hat that covered your entire face at dawn? _ Rue thought, a bit annoyed at her mind for bringing up an old and sensitive image.

The girl is still staring at her like she’s looking for something from the brunette. Rue thinks she’s never gonna say a word to her so she shuffled a bit away from her and the girl with the big ridiculous hat must’ve noticed because then she nodded and looked away from Rue, humming almost inaudibly.

Rue only hears it because of how close they were sitting next to each other. Even after the brunette has shuffled away, their shoulders were still almost in contact. Normally it would be an uncomfortable situation to be in and Rue would instinctively move away but there’s something strangely nicein the way the other girl’s presence right next to her calms her.

It’s weird but Rue has decided it’s best to not dwell on it.

There’s a moment of quiet emptiness. As if the night was building up to something big, something extreme, something that would surprise them both.

Rue kind of anticipates it. Anticipates just about any action, whether it is from the girl, the cashier boy in the store, some cars passing by, or even the birds to chirp loudly.

It doesn’t happen though, much to the tall brunette’s dismay.

She looked over at the girl next to her and noticed the melting ice cream on her hand. She quickly fumbled in her place looking for a handkerchief to give to the girl and let a huge smile settle on her features when she found one.

The girl next to her noticed her fumbling and looked at her, puzzled. Rue handed the girl her handkerchief and said, “Your ice cream is melting.” with a smile, not saying any more than that.

The girl reluctantly accepted the offer and hurriedly wiped off her hands with it after she finished off the ice cream. 

She thanks Rue ever so quietly, clutching the piece of fabric into her palms, receiving a nod from Rue who continued to finish her cup noodles.

After Rue finished the noodles, she stood up and bid the girl goodbye before she threw the empty cup at the nearest trash and jogged to her bike.

Rue biked slowly, letting the wind blow into her face and let her hair fly with it, making her way back home.

She doesn't notice the speeding bike chasing after her until it got so close that an extra inch forward would have both of them tumbling on the quiet streets of town.

Rue looked back, dazed and confused. When she looked back at who could be following her, she saw that it was the same girl from the convenience store.

In hindsight, it probably would've been a terrible idea to slow down to a halt to face this person given that she doesn't know her and that she could be a serial killer for all she knows.

But she does it anyway.

The girl stopped about a meter behind Rue and hopped off her bike, seemingly exhausted, panting like she's close to losing all air in her lungs.

Rue stood there frozen in place, not daring to make a move or speak. The girl was still wearing that ridiculous looking hat and Rue wondered how she managed to bike over to her with it.

After the girl had regained her ability to intake air, she stepped closer to Rue until there's only a couple feet of space between them.

There was a momentary silence between them, both refusing to move or speak, as if they're both studying each other.

It's not an awkward or uncomfortable silence, which is strange because she doesn't know this person and silence with a stranger would normally send her into a spiral of anxiety.

Yet she makes her feel… comfortable in silence.

The girl broke the silence first, fiddling with her pockets until she spots what she was looking for before speaking. 

"Um, you forgot this" the girl said as she raised the handkerchief to eye level for emphasis. "And it's kinda dirty, I'm gonna wash it later and return it to you" the girl finished timidly. 

When the girl started speaking, Rue was immediately hit with something familiar. Something she hasn't visited in a long time and buried into the back of her head for so long.

Rue shook her thoughts off and smiled. _ There's no way _.

"That's fine, it's yours if you want it," she said as she moved to pick her bike up and go home.

Before Rue could move though, she was stopped yet again by the girl clutching at the fabric of her hoodie.

"Don't tell me you already forgot how I sound like Rue." The girl started, the grip she had on the hoodie got tighter.

Rue turned around abruptly, dropping the bike to her heel but didn't matter. Because right now, the very suspicion she had that she forced to bury at the back of her head is hitting her like a roof under a hailstorm.

The girl looked up at Rue and removed her hat. She chuckled a little at the taller girl's expression.

"I was wondering when you'd realize." She said as she loosened her grip at the taller brunette's hoodie. 

Rue remained frozen in place, unmoving, jaw dropped to the floor and seemingly lost all abilities to speak.

There she is. The very girl that made Rue feel loved her entire life. The very girl she loved for as long as she can remember.

Standing in front of her with her eyes shining as brightly as it had the last time Rue saw them. Her skin as perfect and smooth as the last time she touched them. Her hair as beautiful and curly as the last time her fingers tangled with its every strand.

The girl she spent 4 years calling her "mine" but she doesn't have the right to do so anymore. 

The girl she made plans of forever with but those plans were discarded in one fateful night.

The first girl she fell in love with and the first and only girl who broke her heart to pieces.

It's overwhelming. It feels like she could just fall on her knees and cry herself to sleep in the middle of the street. 

Her body refused to move though, to react, to be a normal fucking person.

Lexi chuckled a little and Rue thinks it's evil how she's still able to melt her heart into a puddle with that one adorable noise that comes out of her.

She knows her heart shouldn't be beating this loud right now.

She's afraid the shorter girl will hear it.

_ It does what it wants anyway _.

"I know it's silly but I was hoping you'd figure it out on your own even with the hat covering my face." Lexi sounded a bit bitter when she said that but Rue couldn't say anything about it, still frozen in place.

The shorter girl looked up once more, giving Rue an earnest look that's unreadable but full of messages and emotions that Rue couldn't make out.

"I have to go." The chestnut haired girl started, as she retreated back to her bike. 

Lexi paused and turned to look at the other girl intently, "Welcome home Rue", she said one last time as she biked away leaving a dazed and frozen Rue.

It seemed as though the only organ functioning in Rue's body is the one that pumps her blood, begging to be released from its cage and perhaps, if it were to escape, it would've chased after Lexi's fading figure.

Maybe it would catch up if she let it.

But, just like 4 years ago, she let her fade into the horizon and left her heart imprisoned and bruised.

It was just then that Rue truly felt at home. For as long as she can remember, Lexi had always been home to her.

_ I'm home. _ She thought as she picked her bike up and started biking the opposite way.


End file.
